Reasons Why I’m Still Single #638

Reasons Why I’m Still Single

Lately, I’ve been having a lot of sex dreams… the only catch?
They all feature the guy that I’m actually having sex with.
I mean, the one place where it’s not cheating…

Reasons Why I’m Still Single #637

Reasons Why I’m Still Single

Did I stay up til 5 AM, downloading the Halloween special, The Flinstones Meet Rockula and Frankenstone?
I dunno, it’s possible. Some might say likely, even… yeah, I did- I mean, I totally did.

Reasons Why I’m Still Single #636

Reasons Why I’m Still Single

Fun fact: it will take approximately 3.27 miles on your morning run before a kindly garbage collector will tell you you’ve been running with bird shit in your hair.

Reasons Why I’m Still Single #635

Reasons Why I’m Still Single

A damn good reason I’m still single?
Cuz most people actually know whether they’re single or not… dating is tricky territory, okay?!?

Reasons Why I’m Still Single #634

Reasons Why I’m Still Single

The benefit of not being able to sleep at all?
I can make pizza at 7 AM and call it a “late dinner.”
… but really, it’s just breakfast pizza.

Reasons Why I’m Still Single #633

Reasons Why I’m Still Single

Last night, I made a $10 tip on a $3.50 tab. How, you ask?
Simply by taking my shirt off.
I totally get this prostitution thing now…

Reasons Why I’m Still Single #632

Reasons Why I’m Still Single

I’m sure some of you folks have noticed that I haven’t been posting as regularly.
For that, I apologize. I’ve just had a lotta stuff going on lately.
Like, um, I just bought some new meat shears so… ya know, I’ve got that goin’ for me…

Reasons Why I’m Still Single #631

Reasons Why I’m Still Single

The sad part is this totally a normal conversation for us…

Reasons Why I’m Still Single #630

Reasons Why I’m Still Single

I just emailed myself a JPEG of dog shit… I mean, it was to prove a point to my roomma- yeah, no, there’s no way I come outta this one lookin’ like a winner.

Reasons Why I’m Still Single #629

Reasons Why I’m Still Single

The fact that I own this movie, on blu-ray no less, pretty much says it all.
SO thank you for that, Blockbuster. While I’m sad to see you go, just know that you’ve made one man’s life that much better/unbelievably lame.